Poetry

You failed a test You didn't know You were Taking Maybe you should have studied anyway

I want to disappear Underground Where the noise Expectations obligations Perceived and real Can't reach me Where strangers can't tell me How to be And I don't disappoint When what I'm supposed to be Is just not Me

I forgive you I'll never tell you that To your face I prefer never to see Speak think of YOU ever again Such is not my choice I invest too much Expect too much I expected someone to come Running No one cared And I cracked Nothing mattered Not the effort Tears Rejection The way I hated Myself Everything The way I treated My family Risking so much For what? Not even a backwards glance Not even a hesitation Just Vanished You don't exist in my Universe any longer Do ghosts "exist

It's "I've changed"

The bitch of it all they never stopped hunting us The question remains When will we tire of running

Part 1 It's funny how I see things now  How old thoughts  Feelings  That would have taken me out  Transform suddenly  Judgement Ego  Bad decisions I see it now Sometimes good grows  From shit Sorry Grandpa  You never liked swearing But you really should give Henry and the Hendersons another chance  I've always loved the hidden, weird  Outcasted  Until I was an outcast  Until I never grew past 5'1"  But the weight grew instead  Fitting in  Being liked Be accepted Nothing else

Relax it's just indigestion I am magic I am moon Stars I contain multitudes I'm trying not to thinkin terms of Right and wrong But I was wrong She says cheekily Context is so Important But I was wrong Once again It's inside out Not outside in I'm ancient Stars I've existed for millennial And I'll exist for millennial more I only need to exist This is not hubris This is waking up I got the magic in me She says cheekily The tools, my beloved trinkets, the relics Only enhance Wh

Did you feel that?  the one that always played  the jester was in reality  the queen  all along  just look at that crown  ​ Today   I don't hex  but if you find yourself extra itchy today Maybe today was the day I changed my mind.  ​ Mischief   Is this all new? Or am I just starting to remember?  Was it lost? Or forgotten? Or ripped from me? By this society  that taught me  to hate me before I really  ever  knew me  loved me  Could defend me But it is FLOODING  back now  All

I've ever told you "I love myself" I was lying If I've ever told you "I've finally accepted myself" I was lying If I've ever told you "I'm beautiful just the way I am." I was lying I have spent years loathing myself tearing myself to Shreds every second of every day Screaming Screeching Shrieking Internally How am I still Here? How did I not succumb To those wounds A small voice was there Gasping Crawling Fighting For air Enough Stop Why Help A stream of light Through the cav

Everything lives rent free in Fran's mind Every interaction, every word, every hurt, every joy It is all in there all the time  Dancing around  Singing Laughing  Screaming  It can get ever so  loud  In a world that is already  ever so  loud and complicated unfair hurtful  But Fran knows there is magic too everywhere  it's been buried by all that other  stuff  Fran felt it a light  A small glimmer back  in the deep space  of her mind  like a small beam of light breaking throug

When I started talking to Trees I truly thought "this is it." I've gone well and truly mad But it was better than the current  location  truly  so I kept talking  And then  I started listening  Have you ever really listened to a tree? Perhaps not  If you aren't well and truly mad  Have you marveled at they're roots how they  snarled and anchored  stretch and twirl into  their trunk  The perfect stage  for the branches to dance  and sway  their leaves like a million butterflie

My fingernails are bloody  from raking over my body  for the last 30 years  or 300 checking every imperfection  every swell, every curve Am I bigger here? Is that getting smaller? What a tragic distraction They taught me to hate  my body  Before I even understood  what love was They took my power​ And replaced it with  Fear Obsession Self-loathing  People pleasing  Over achieving  Hardness where there should have been  softness grace  love  Almost everyone woman who has walke

Bob Dylan I no longer have regrets Or at least I've changed my definition  of the word It does not exist  in my world ​ OK but  if there was one  it would all the music  I pretended to like  To be liked And it didn't  even work   What are you doing tonight?  Visiting my ancestors  Talking to my spirit guides Singing made up songs  Dreaming about living in a magical turtle shell Humanly and ethically gifted of course  Being Whimsical Magical  Who I've always been  How about yo

The most magic of spells can Come from the most unseen Places And you can't tell me Keanu Reeves Isn't a Wizard